Roswell Mystery Solved!!!

(SPA) Albuquerque, N.M. - June 21 As speculation continues to grow about the alleged Roswell mystery, one more piece of the puzzle has been revealed. Today, Air Force authorities revealed that the "alien bodies" hidden along with their flying saucer in the 1947 crash were really Air Force parachute crash-test dummies.

Authorities revealed that this information was tracked down recently when a couple of highly placed employees recognized the crash-test dummies while watching a special on the Roswell Incident. These sources, known only by their code names of "Lince" and "Varry," reportedly blurted out "MOM!!!" and "DAD!!!!" when the pictures of the alleged aliens were shown on TV.

Anxious to put the mystery to rest, authorities quickly checked their records and discovered that such crash-test dummies had been used in that area to test high-altitude parachutes. They confessed that they really had learned a lot from "Lince" and "Varry." The mysterious "flying saucer" crash has now been revealed by authorities as nothing more than a collision between top-secret high altitude weather balloons and falling crash-test dummies.

UFO believers have attacked the official story. Citing the lack of opportunity to interview "Lince" and "Varry," they are asking officials to make these witnesses available to the public. In a speculated gamble, UFO believers claim to have access to the medical record of "Lince" and "Varry," adding that they think those two have been through too many auto accidents without a seat belt to be credible.

Further attacks on the government story have been made by inside sources who point out that such parachute testing was conducted in the 1950's, not the 1940's. In addition, alleged eye witnesses to the Roswell mystery claim that they actually saw the aliens at the crash site.

Government spokespersons, choosing to remain anonymous, suggested that these people were confused as to the time and place of their sightings. "We have not had contact with extraterrestrials in the past, nor do we expect to in the near future," added one unnamed woman who pulled out a ray gun and placed it on the podium, thereby ending further questions.


Satirical Press Associates (SPA) is a group of writers or one writer with multiple personalities who have (has) a warped sense of reality. None of their (his) reports should be construed as factual, although they (he) have (has) been known to take factual situations and distort them. You are invited to gain a free trial membership by writing Bob James Trial memberships last until they end. Those who wish to support this endeavor may be crazier than the author(s) but are welcome to e-mail the earlier address for information.

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