Gift Shop Proliferation

Washington D.C. (SPA) The latest salvo in the war of gift shops has been fired by the National Security Agency. Recognizing that they were losing the war for the tourist dollar, the gift shop was opened seven weeks ago. "We see this as meeting the desires of the tourists while providing extra money for the NSA," spokesman JE 1009 noted.

Early gifts available included coffee cups, computer mouse pads, and golf towels, balls, umbrellas and shirts. While the selection was originally limited to official agency items already on hand, plans are to expand the product and services line tremendously. "We have more ideas in the works already, " said 1009. "We would like to make available code books, autographed pictures and biographies of our secret agents, secret files on neighbors, and satellite uplink/downlink time. We could even add customized surveillance for the right price!"

A reporter asked 1009 about reports that the top secret agency was taking a cue from the White House and selling opportunities to drink coffee and chat for $25,000, to sit in on a top secret meeting for $50,000 or go on an NSA "ride-along" for $100,000. While she refused to confirm or deny these reports, her broad smile as she said, "No comment," spoke volumes. "All I can say is that we will take all major credit cards, checks, money orders, and unmarked cash in large bulky envelopes."


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