When asked to elaborate on this, Mrs. Clinton was willing and able.
"We have tried to keep Monica's part on this issue low key, but she is
in fact a genius in foreign policy. She advised Bill to blow up the Iraqi
wells and suck the economy dry." Mrs. Clinton also mentioned that
she thought Ms. Lewinsky would do great on the USO tour....improving
the morale of the troops and sending intelligence on the upcoming war to
"If only the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy would get their minds out of
the gutters and let us do our work, we could make a real difference!" was
her last comment on the situation; until she passed by a TV showing
Olympic sporting events.
"Now there is where the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is REALLY hitting
hard," she moaned. She explained, in response to questioning, "One
example relates to the snow out of early events. This allowed the news
stations to continue to focus on Bill's problems. As you know, the Vast
Right Wing Conspiracy is run mostly by Right Wing Fundamentalist
Christians. They should have had enough pull to stop the snow, yet they
"And let's not forget the snowboarding events. Who won, originally?
Canadian. What do Canadians represent to the Vast Right Wing
Conpiracy? Dodging the draft. They keep bringing up that issue even
though the American people have said that it is unimportant. And then
what happened to him? He was disqualified because he tested positive
for marijuana. We know what people are thinking. 'We disqualify a
man who won a gold medal in the Olympics for smoking marijuana; yet
we elect a man president who has done the same thing? What is wrong
here?' They keep bringing the issue up!"
When pressed for other examples, Hillary noted that the American skier
who won the gold in the Women's Super G was named Picabo. "Most
people pronounce the name to sound like 'Peek-a-Boo' and we all know
that the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy thinks that Bill is playing peek-a-boo
with the interns. It sickens me to see the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
taint even the Olympics!"
Mrs. Clinton calmed down enough to lead the Chinese visitors to the
coffee room. "Just teaching the Chinese how they can make their country
prosperous under a democracy," she noted before closing and locking
Satirical Press Associates (SPA) is a group of writers or one writer with
multiple personalities who have (has) a warped sense of reality. None
of their (his) reports should be construed as factual, although they (he)
have (has) been known to take factual situations and distort them.
Since we are now the unofficial voice of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy,
we want to assure you that our standards are as high as ever. We
will publish no rumor unless backed by innuendo. Please do not
fold, spindle or mutilate unless you first print out a hard copy.
You are invited to gain a free trial membership by writing
Bob James. Trial memberships last until they end.
Those who wish to support this endeavor may be crazier than the author(s)
but are welcome to e-mail the earlier address for information.
(c) 1998 by Bob James. All rights reserved. Permission is
distribute this article to others without charge as long as it is distributed
in its entirety and this notice is attached. This article may not be
distributed commercially either individually or as part of any anthology
without the express written consent of the author.
Return to Bob James's View of Life
Return to the Humor Page